Wednesday, February 13, 2008

jordan knight: our raison d'ĂȘtre

Ladies and gentlemen,

We here at ROGER DANISH are proud to present our very first music video analysis, for Jordan Knight's 1999 hit "Give It To You." Our analysis is a bit lengthy, but after just one viewing we're sure you'll agree that it's deserving of the kind of in-depth treatment we've given it. So let's cut the crap and get on with it.

Sincerely,
The Lucilles






[0:00] well this should be a fun little trip down memory lane.
[0:30] how pleasant. waltzing at the carnival.
[0:33] "you say it's been to long / since you had some" had some what? where is this going?
[0:34] all his friends are dressed like they're goin to the gym yet jordan is freshly dressed after a visit to kohls.
[0:37] does anyone actually arrive in a jeep like that? why was jordan riding bitch?
[0:55] "it's creepin' around in my head / me holdin' you down in my bed" ... holy shit.
[0:56] the dance move where he walks like he has a load in his pants = poetry in motion
[1:00] the combination of the lyrics ("you don't have to say a word / i'm convinced you want this") and that eyebrow raise just made me really uncomfortable.


You want this. He's convinced.

[1:14] "show me where, i'll taste you there." does that need any commentary?
[1:21] somebody's been studying his "darren's dance grooves" tapes! i wonder if he knows the whole "bye,bye,bye" dance, too. "ain't no lie, bye bye bye."
[1:30] "without a doubt / i'll turn you out" ...jesus christ jordan, you're at a fucking carnival, calm down.
[1:35] does the carnival provide that girl with matching bow tie and hat?


Fierce.

[1:47] i need to address the outfit. khaki pants. white turtleneck. leather jacket. let's continue...
[1:58] air hump!
[2:00] "anyone can make you sweat / but i can keep you wet" ... what. the. fuck.
[2:11] it's gone from "you want this" to "you need this"...nothing gets a girl going like telling her she looks desperate!
[2:25] where are all the children? aren't carnivals usually family events with kids and shit? since when are carnivals made for horny twenty-somethings?
[2:49] dance break! the leather jacket comes off, presumaby to allow jordan to properly "work it" in his khaki/sweater ensemble.
[3:04] WHOA. pelvic thrust with the camera at crotch level. classy.

Eyeful of khaki.

[3:18] ohhh who could this be??
[3:20] i tried to analyze the dialogue between jordan and his friend and this is as far as i got:
friend: "that's the girl from the snow cone place!"
i can't read jordans lips but i'm going to assume he said "oh yeah, man, i love that this carnival happens everyday. i can change my jacket, dance with my friends, and hump the air. life is gooood!"
[3:32] i like how even though the model is "acting" she obviously wants to tell her "friend" to "shut the fuck up! i think i'd have to be an idiot to not be able to pull off this 'grease'-inspired moment. i need to call my agent..."
[3:38] i wonder how those red arm things were on the hanger for that shirt when it was in the store?
[4:22] is he...air humping the popcorn girl? did he change his outfit? what the fuck is going on?

Jesus Christ.


[4:35] ...and he goes out on a high note. no, the video didn't get any classier, he just literally sang the last note really, really high.